The Diary

Hari was looking at his diary, which has been with him from
the day he has started writing about his life, his journey and everything
and even sometimes nothing.
He said to himself it has been a long time he hasn’t written anything
in it, where he used it for every happy moment, and vice-versa.
He opened up the pages & just going through his early days as
a teenager; he used to enjoy so much, going out with his friends
and many things, which he has also written in.
And then came the page where he has written about an incident
which took place in his life a long time ago, so he started reading
it slowly and it all came back.
He turned to other pages where he wrote about forgiving him.
He wrote why he has committed that mistake, what made him to
take such a wrong decision. It was written
“Why I did this?
What was going on in my mind?
Whose mistake was it really was?”
So many questions and few answers were their for those mistakes.
Slowly he went through those answers, may be to find something,
or he really liked to read the thing and come up with another
short story out of it.
So at the end after finishing it, he saw that someone has written
there something, he tried to read it, but at first he wasn’t able
make anything out of it. Then he checked for other pages also, and
in many places he saw the same writing, bit smudged in few places,
like someone tried to rub it, or made a mistake and wanted to clear it.
He kept quiet for a few moments and tried hard to think that who else
would have read his diary, and had written their opinions or what ever
it was, and how come he hasn’t seen it before.
Then it came to him that he recognizes that hand writing it’s his mother’s
writing. He was shocked to see that his mother has been reading his diary
when he was not around, and has given her opinions to what all he has
written in it.
He slowly started to read it, where all his, mother has written,
he came to a point where he has written something which he never wanted
to tell anybody but himself, his mother has given her opinion about or
can say answer to his question.
He has written for forgiveness, for the mistake he has done.
Wanted to say sorry to their parents but couldn’t bring the courage to
speak about it, and from all these years he thought he hasn’t would never
be able to his parents, and even thought that it’s been a few months, that
when he was bit upset about his job, life. That he has not written in his diary,
also he was busy with his work life. That his mother thought he may be hiding
something, that they (there parents) don’t want to know.
May be at that time she read the diary and thought of answering his questions.
And in near future his son may read it and realize that he should have told
her everything and he was wrong about many things.
He was trying hard to read it, but wasn’t able to finish it, as tough it was
like never-ending or like his mother was standing in front of him and
speaking to him. He left that in half, and closed it. He was very
angry that why his mother been reading his diary in his absence.
He wasn’t able to sleep that night, when he closed his eyes, the same
thought came to his mind, was it his fault that he was now not as before,
like happy, enjoying, speaking to everyone especially his mother about his day in office,
his future plans and so many things. He always felt that due to the mistake
he has done that he deserved all this.
That was the reason his parents has lost faith in him.
He was so disturbed that night.
Next day in the morning he wasn’t able to look into her eyes and speak,
as it reminded him about the writings in diary. It felt to him that she wanted
her son to talk to her about his problems. Why for so many years tried to bury
his feelings in the diary. He on the other hand thought that it was his personal stuff,
she should not have read it in the first place, but she went a step ahead and written
her thoughts in it. It went on for few days, he has not opened it again, to read or
to write, she may have left her wish about him coming to her and telling everything.
The mistake which was committed by him was running from home, which made
his parents lose faith in him.
And tried hard to restore it but all he felt was nothing was working for him.
So he started writing about it why he tried to run away, from home, his parents from everything.
And in the end he did what he thought was right, he removed those pages from diary
where ever his mother has written, thinking that removing the pages may
remove his mistakes from mind also, but no other option was left, in near future his
mother may tell his dad, about his diary. He wanted to throw the diary
in a lake or pond, where no one would find it, where it will be a
secret between him and his diary.
So the day came when his parents were not in city, he came early from work
and took his diary with him to the nearby lake where he stood facing the
sun which was about to go, it was dusk time. He remembered about a book he has
read “The diary of a young girl” where she said it’s the diary which is her
best friend as it never replies back and takes everything in from the
writer. He thought again should he be really doing it. But yes was the
answer which came quick, he then threw it. And that was the last day when
he never wrote again, in his diary about his feelings, he kept to himself
about his feelings, his happiness and all the other things.